Some of you may have been together too long to remember this, but when a relationship begins it is wonderful. You have found the person of your dreams and the normal aggravations of life take a back seat to falling in love. You want to be together all the time. The future looks bright and you are happy. It is how most personal relationships start out and it is what I call the 90-day glow.
After 90 days you may still care for the other person, but you are coming back down to earth. It doesn’t mean that your heart doesn’t skip a beat when you see this person, but it is the time to decide if this will be a lasting relationship.
People who are obsessed with another person do not come back down to earth. They become more intense. As one person tries to spend more time with the friends and family, the obsessed person tries to isolate and control the other person. Beware of anyone who tries to keep you from your support system. Friends, family, co-workers, therapist or anyone you see on a regular basis.
The next step will be obsessive jealousy which can be deadly. If someone is constantly questioning your whereabouts, monitoring your emails and texts, tracking where you go by using GPS, there is a problem and it’s not you. It is with the obsessed person.
You may hear some excuse such as their ex-partner had an affair, and now they can’t trust anyone. If that’s how someone feels, he/she needs to get professional help and resolve their issues before they get into another relationship. Also keep in mind that people who are obsessed always believe their partner is having affairs, even if it’s not true. If a person is constantly monitoring their partner, when would here be time to meet up with someone else?
Some people are afraid of commitment so they may move from one relationship to another, each lasting 60 to 90 days. As time goes by, they become more agitated and start looking for a reason to end the relationship. If you are looking for a long-term relationship you don’t want to be involved with this person either. Yes, some people have one-night stands, but that one is easy to recognize.
Yes, the 90-day glow is part of a new relationship. It is what happens after the 90 days that may be a problem. Abusers and stalkers are always looking for a new victim/target. Their manipulative skills increase as they escalate and become more dangerous. They like to rush into a relationship, even marriage, because they don’t want the other person to know what they are really like.
My advice, to females and males, is to check out anyone you may be interested in dating or who is interested in dating you. Criminal and financial background checks can be conducted by a private investigator. The cost will vary according to what you want done. Take your time and don’t let your heart overrule your head. Don’t give the person money or become too involved in their life. I know this is easier said than done, but your life could depend on it.
Also, if you do not want to go out with someone or decide you want to end the relationship in the early stages, develop a safety plan. You get a stalker at the end of the last obsession. I have been involved in cases in which women were seriously injured three weeks after the two people even knew each other existed. The intent was to commit homicide, but thankfully the women lived. All because they said they did not want to go out with the man.
I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but trust is earned. It is easy to ignore red flags when you are falling in love. My prayer is that you have found the person of your dreams. My concern is the ones who turn into a nightmare.
Enjoy the 90-day glow, cautiously.
Do Not be Afraid – Be Aware and Prepared