Too many lives are lost each year for no reason. When I started in the field of victim advocacy an average of three women each day were killed by their husband/boyfriend. My understanding is that it has not changed. Many others are seriously injured and survive.
If your partner leaves you due to your abusive behavior, let them go. Most victims of domestic violence do not want to end the relationship they want to end the violence. Unfortunately, it may not be possible.
Domestic violence tears families apart, children may be removed from the home because it is not safe, and it creates so much pain. Murder has a rippling effect and so many lives are impacted because someone didn’t get his/her way. Obsessive jealousy may be at the root of the problem, but there can be other excuses. If someone was abused as a child there is no reason for that tradition to continue. When we become adults, we are responsible for the decisions we make. While I am sorry that anyone must endure abuse whether aa a child or an adult, we have a choice as to how we will live our lives.
Abuse is not love. It is unhealthy and toxic. In fact, it gives love a bad name. No one should be “loved” to death, but that is what happens. If the abuser commits murder/suicide or spends the rest of their life in prison, their family is also destroyed. If the homicide involves people who are well-known, the rippling effect widens even more.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help. The promises and threats are not going to magically end. Most abusers continue to escalate. Whether it is mental and/or physical abuse there is no reason for the abuser to change unless he/she receives consequences for the inappropriate behavior. I believe in people having a chance to change, but they must want to change, and no one can do it for them. Abuse may have become normal in your household, but it is not normal. It’s not a private matter. It’s a crime.
Every person should be treated with respect in relationships and believe that they deserve to be treated respectably. Do let anyone tell you deserve to be abused because you are an awful person. We all make mistakes, but we must heal from the inside out and move forward.
Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time. Victims should have a safety plan and then leave. Letting an abuser know that you are leaving may escalate the violence.
Contact a local domestic violence program to assist with a safety plan, options and emergency shelter if needed.
Please remember that you have a right to a violence-free life. We all do.